Why do I feel sad?

Some may have read my post of all the complication I have had over the past 6 weeks how my surgery was cancelled only minutes before I was to go for my revision RNY. How my blood work was not normal stopping the surgery and then how they found a mass on my thyroid. Now things all worked out and both of these things have been taken care of. I have a tenative date for March 19, and yet I feel sad inside. WHY? is it that I really dont want to have the surgery. I have had several people tell me in the past few months that perhaps I am not really wanting the surgery or ready that I should be sooooo excited that I am finally getting to have it.  Two weeks ago I was excited about it and could not wait to get them to clear me of the problems. Yet inside I have struggled now for awhile. Not that I can not do it but is it the right thing for me to do. I have even asked why the sugery was stopped before when I had prayed that if God did not want me to have the surgery that he would stop it and he did. The thing that concerns me is that the things that it was stopped for turned out to be nothing serious, so why did God stop the surgery that day only to have me wait 6 weeks later to have it.  I have mixed emotion about this. Everything inside of me knows I need this surgery to live, and yet I want to walk away and keep making excuses as to why I should not get the surgery. I am just not sure why I have such mixed emotions. Why I am sad. I  have to tell you that as of right this minute I do not want to have the surgery and I am not excited at all to know that I will have to go through the pain and even the fact I could die. I have a 17 year old daughter who is bi-polar and if anything happened to me right now she would lose it. She is so in need of my support in her life, and I guess I am just fearful that something might go wrong, and if I am to be honest with you I fear that if God is trying to stop this and I go ahead with it then I could die. I know some are thinking yes but if you dont have it you will not live another 10 years. But I guess my thought is but if I live another 10 years my daughter will then be 27 and can take care of herself.   I know it all sounds so stupid and childish but its how I am feeling inside rather I like it or not. I wish I could be happy and have all positive thinking but I just feel sad inside and I want to make sure I am doing the right thing.
I know some may want to condem me over my feelings but they are what they are. I have even seen a therapist that my daugher goes to each week, and she tells me that I really need this surgery and that its normal to be fearful considering the situation I am in with my daughter.  But that I have to do this no matter what.  I just wish all of a sudden I would get this great rush of happiness that I am about to have the surgery.

Everyone has some anxiety, nervous jitters, whatever you call it right before surgery.....  It doesn't mean you don't want or need it, it means you're human! 

Hang in there!

Hugs!

your fear or lack of excitment may just be your minds way of protecting you from being hurt if it gets cancelled agian
just my 2 cents

hang in there - does your daughters therapist think you should wait?

I remember you having "cold feet" and "doubts" many times before. WLS is not for everyone, and can be very hard work. It IS forever "work" and a lifetime commitment. If you're not ready mentally and spiritually, don't do it.

Like my wise sister, KAREN, said, we all got nervous...very, very normal..but if it overwhelms you...maybe you're just not ready yet

And that's OKAY!!

I shared my story with you when your surgery was first canceled....

When my day finally came around i had a aire of skepticism.... i truly didn't think it was ever gonna happen....i went through bouts of sadness or depression...

Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow....No one can analyze what you really feel inside...just because your not jumping up and down with excitement doesn't mean you don't really want the surgery....It may mean your protecting yourself from more disappointment..

It took me over a year and a half to finally get my revision surgery...Was I excited? No....was I ready? Oh yes, very ready.....Do I have any regrets? No way !!!!

Im down 49 lbs....Im 1.2 lbs away from Onederland....all in just 3 months....Dont give up on your dreams or yourself....youve waited a long time for this and now its almost here....hang in there...its gonna be great !!!!

Breathe in, breathe out, move on.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on.
Breathe in, breathe out, move on.

(repeat as necessary)

 Sent you a PM.  :-)

I think that what you are going through is perfectly normal. WLS is not a picnic and you already know that firsthand. Having the added stress of caring and worrying for your daughter is an added bonus to the situation. 
Having your guts rerouted so that you can limit your eating for the rest of your life...hmm... I can't imagine why you're not jumping up and down with glee. You prayed for G-d to make it not happen if it wasn't His will and barriers were put up. The surgery is still on, so I look at your barriers as set-backs, not G-d saying "no". If He really didn't want you to have the surgery, then it wouldn't be happening. Ask yourself though, did you pray for G-d to stop it if He didn't want it, or did you actually pray for Him to actually stop it because you didn't want it? Only you can know if you are emotionally ready for this surgery.
You have a right to feel sad. You also have a right to feel worry. It's all normal.
Good luck in whatever decision you make!
Tracey

 

OK - I'll post this - at the risk of offending others (though NOT my intention!!).  Only offering information...

Have you considered that maybe your revision to RNY isn't the best choice for you?  There ARE other options. :-)

You've had issues with dumping, etc......so why not think about the DS?  You will not have dumping, you will be able to eat more 'normally' (IMHO) and won't be dieting the rest of your life, AND your chances of keeping the weight off are greater with a DS, too.

Each of us chooses what we feel is best for us.  Each "tool" has it's positives and negatives.  Unfortunately, there are many who don't really look into their options before making their choice.  The lapband and RNY are more well known than the sleeve or DS - but that doesn't make them the best choice for everyone. 

Please make sure you research ALL your options before having surgery.  I'd hate to see you have another surgery that doesn't work for you - or allow you to live the life you dream of.  :-)

Just trying to help. 

Julie

First, I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time. Don't kick yourself so hard! There are difficult decisions, with real consequences no matter what you decide. If you are not confident about your decision, don't rush into it. Keep looking at your options, and don't walk into the OR unless and until you are sure of your decision.
     I'm going to second Jewel about looking at all your revision options, including the DS. We are seeing more and more people revise from RNY or lap band to the DS these days. It offers many advantages over RNY: better weight loss, better maintainence of that weight loss, and avoidance of many of the problems associated with RNY. With the DS there is no dumping, no food getting stuck. You can take NSAIDs. You can eat a more normal and varied and healthy diet. There is better resolution of almost all comorbidities with the DS than with RNY.
     There are vitamin and protein requirements with the DS which are mandatory for the rest of your life. Of course, that's true for RNY also, but more so for the DS. So you do need to research and know what you are getting into, as with any form of wls.
    Come on over to the DS forum and learn more about it. Your time will be well spent. You can even ask other people who have revised to the DS from prior wls about their experiences.
And if you want a couple good articles describing the excellent longterm results of the DS, for both weight loss and health, just send me a pm.
    Best of luck to you with whatever decision you make.

Larra